You know that feeling you get when you're the last one picked for a team? Turns out, it might register in our brains like physical pain, akin to a scraped knee or a kicked shin. Ouch!
This was discovered by a neuro-imaging study completed in 2012 which found that the brain actually responds to social rejection in a similar way that it responds to physical pain.
This is truly a revolutionary discovery!
If rejection really does, in fact, feel like a kick to the shin, imagine how many aspects of human behaviour could be influenced by this aversion to pain?
If people all around the world are living with this sensitivity that others have the power to trigger at any time, then we’re essentially walking around with our shins exposed, vulnerable to anyone who might want to hurt us with their words or actions.
And well… so much of our culture and even our language (for example the saying “you hurt my feelings”) is imbued with this agreed upon conclusion that the words and actions of others can be truly hurtful, to a physical degree.
If we are making conscious and unconscious decisions in an attempt to avoid any situation that can trigger pain, this could explain human behaviour under a game theory framework which in turn could predict behavioural patterns within large established systems such as the financial system, government, politics, and the macro-economy.
In this game, people are essentially trying to avoid experiencing a case of social rejection. This would involve a collective picture of what social rejection looks like for each individual, and an individual premeditated analysis of which actions would result in social rejection, and a plan to avoid it, in many cases, at the stake of others.
In terms of psychology and spirituality, the habitual avoidance of physical pain connected to social rejection can form personalities, habits and social cues that drive us further away from our authentic self, causing stress to the body which in turn could result in mental and physical illness.
Think about it, if we are walking around with an underlying fear of pain in any given social situation, we are more likely to hide parts of ourselves which we perceive to become dangerous for our “survival” or “ease of living.”
This study is incredibly important to consider in our lives, and we should all be asking ourselves the following questions:
Are our decisions being driven by a fear of pain?
Are our personalities built by a careful dodging dance around social rejection? How conscious is this dance? Is it subconscious? Is it both?
Are we being formed and guided by others in a game of “who rejects who” ?
Can we be in competition with each other if somebody has the upper hand or a Birds-Eye view of others’ triggers?
How do people differ in their sensitivity to rejection and should we be equipped with ways to manage those who have this hypersensitivity?
How does constant rejection cause trauma to the body and mind? Do we have a tolerance threshold before we go full Frankenstein? Should the “monster” be held accountable for something that is wired in our brains?
Should it be considered a serious assault to trigger someone, just as it would be an assault to punch someone in the face?
These are some of the questions that keep me up at night since I read about this in 2018.
I feel like we could be doing more with the findings of this research, and maybe we already are in an intuitive way.
It’s important to look inwards, as we have the capacity to change ourselves and start to unpack which of our good and bad habits, personality traits, tendencies, and patterns come from this careful dance around social rejection.
We may not have the power to inform and change others in a mass scale, but we certaintly begin to really think about what is going on inside of ourselves.